I love to read, and tend to go through quite a bit of books in the course of a month. With my current job of being a Security Guard, it doesn't take much imagination to see how I'm able to do that. Long nights of sitting in a quiet place with the occasional patrol can lead to two things: Keep your mind busy, or fall asleep and lose your job.
This post is not me saying I like to read though. This is about something much more sinister. When people see me reading they automatically jump to the conclusion that I need more books in my life and not just any books. I swear, the only people who lend books in this town think the local supermarket is a book store. I have been brought 7 different books now, and they all were a generic mess. Also, no wonder these things sell so well, they are ADD proof! Every chapter is 4 pages long, ending with a supposed cliffhanger that doesn't work cause the characters have no development. The best reason I can figure for that is so people can imagine themselves as the characters. Don't even get me started on the length either! These books are usually over 400 pages, which is sad because I can tell you what it's all about in 2 minutes. Perhaps if they spent less time explaining every thought to you, we could cut it down to 200 pages?
Here is the formula:
1. Something happens that is shocking.
2. Inexplicably the main character of several of these books is called immediately and asked to look into it. Let me make this clear, they have no personality, they are just written to always do the right thing.
3. Characters around these main characters all have no clue how to deal with it, and talk about how great the main character is all the time.
4. Main character has real life issues going on while this is happening, whether it be a sick loved one or a tragic past. This can be used to bring the plot to a halt and make the book longer.
5. They write in some big ending thing where the main character is the center of a crisis that would destroy the world or something foolish like that.
6. The President calls the main character and knows him on a first name basis, proudly telling him good job.
There, I just made it so you don't have to read any supermarket books. That's all of them.
Why are these books so successful? That's an easy one. If you read you are smart, at least that's what people tend to think (seriously I'm told I must be brilliant everyday when people see me reading, based only on the fact that I'm reading). Everyone wants to seem smart, but let's face it, not everyone really can dedicate the time to reading, so once they try these books they realize, wow I've read 400 pages in 6 hours, and understood all of it easily, I really like reading and I'm smart. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there, listening to these people gushing about the newest Alex Cross story while I'm trying to read something actually interesting like Atonement, or
The Remains of the Day.
These books can be found at a book store too, so how do you avoid them? It's simple, they will have the most generic names you've ever seen in your life. The one I'm "reading" right now is called The Panic Zone. Previously I've "enjoyed" Pirate (this is the worst offender), Roses Are Red, Violets are Blue (yeah, two separate books), Wicked Prey, and so on.
To make matters worse, the other day I was reading Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut, (which you should be reading right now, as opposed to my stupid blog) and a really smarmy older lady, with lots of tacky jewelery and more money than brains came up to me. She said, "What are you reading?" I replied "Slaughterhouse Five." She rolled her eyes and let out a laugh as though to say, oh how quaint, you have poor taste in books. I bet if Fabio was on the cover she would have praised my taste.
Anyway, the moral is, that if you see someone reading a book, it doesn't mean they like all books. If you know the book they are reading and you know of one that is similar, go for it, offer to lend it to them, but don't pressure them if they say they have too many books on the go.
I'm just tired of being pressured into boring books when I have so many great ones still ahead of me! What makes it worse is that it is only a product of good intention and I really wish I didn't feel so guilty that I had to read them once they were handed to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment