Everybody knows I love 1982's Conan the Barbarian, and if you claim you don't know that, then you haven't read my retrospective on why I love Conan the Barbarian (1982). Walking in, I understood that this movie wouldn't be like the one I grew up with, and somehow I was ok with that. I instead chose to judge this as a tale of a badass barbarian who goes on some sort of quest and kicks teeth down people's throats.
First off, let it be said that this Conan movie is in no way shape or form trying to be the old Conan movie. It is starting over from scratch, with a new Conan, played by young actor Jason Momoa, and a brand new tone that also, in it's own way, reflects the stories that it is based on. Usually, when I talk about a "reboot" that makes things younger and hipper, I react with rage from the depths of my gut, but this movie was a pleasant surprise.
The new Conan may not evolve as much, nor is his origin quite as tragic as the original, but he is true to the source in character, as in, he's a big, powerful barbarian with heart. There is a part earlier on in which Conan and his posse attack a bunch of slavers and free all of their slaves, who are almost entirely made up of being hot topless women. They ask, "where are we supposed to go now?" and Conan smiles and it cuts to him partying with a bunch of topless women. It's just weird to see Conan so happy. Fortunately the movie moves past that quickly and gets back on track. One interesting thing in this version of Conan was that he wasn't the strongest character in the movie, so much as the most persistent. This was a nice change, and I feel it shows that he would probably be a more believable king than Arnold's version. I also feel that it is important to mention that Jason Momoa's Conan voice is probably dark and growly enough to make Kevin Conroy shudder…in a good way.
One great thing this movie had going for it, was Ron Perlman playing Conan's father. Ron Perlman is awesome, and thus being the essential motivation for everything Conan does, it really helps me buy into the whole movie.
Unsurprisingly, you'll find the plot especially negligible, however this is not a breaking point for the movie. The villains are bad, the hero is badass and anything else doesn't really matter in the whole scheme of things.
The biggest flaw overall though, would have to be the editing in the respect that it cuts poorly between shots where people are standing and then leaning on things. In fact, one part later in the movie involving a chopped off hand and person kicked off of a high platform, sorta felt to me like the movie forgot what it was supposed to show next, only to remember. The sound didn't connect either at that part. Let's be honest, this movie isn't the pinacle of all things filmmaking.
My favourite thing this movie had going for it was that the sound was hilariously blasted. Not the music, just the impact noises. There is a part where a small egg falls into a puddle and I swear it sounds like a Greyhound bus crashing into an Army tank! Later, someone throws a sword at Conan and when he catches it, the only place I could imagine them getting the sound effect, was from a wrecking ball smashing a Helicopter out of the sky. The impact noises got to be so loud at times that I kept laughing out loud. It really does sound like a complaint, but it's not. I haven't laughed so hard at a movie in a long time! Intentional or not, it was bliss!
It's not the best movie, but it feeds my need for good fight scenes, which you rarely get these days. It's fun and perfect for a wind down and relax movie. If the thought of a barbarian smashing waves of people with his gigantic sword is appealing to you, then go for it! If you are gonna watch it, watch it in theatre, or at least make sure you have a crazy surround system if you are gonna watch it at home. This is not a movie to stand the test of time, like it's 29 year old counterpart, but it is a movie that is fun to watch.
