Here comes the change.

I did not get the job I really wanted. Naturally that turn of events knocked me on my ass pretty hard, but with that failure came a huge burst of positive energy, thanks in no small part to my badass vacation a few days later to a wonderful magical place called Caraquet. I came back strong, determined, and ready to crush the insubordination of the world around me into diamond.

Alas, at this point I can't make any announcements, but know that big things are coming friends. Things that may make this blog and possibly other mysterious blogs, take on a whole new significance. I'm picking up steam and can't be stopped.

My Netflix Activities - August 28th 2011

When Netflix first came to Canada it was only good for one thing. Mad Men. Sadly, to date I've only just made it to season 4, not because I don't like the show, but because my girlfriend is up to date on it and she's always around, hogging my free time!

Basically, her and I have been watching so many movies on there that I feel like I could be using it to take up some space on my blog. However, most movies on Netflix that I'm watching really aren't destination movies to read reviews about. So what I want to do is for the most part just write a quick blurb about some movies I've caught on Netflix. Quick reviews for things that are on there.

Mirrors (2008)

I've never watched 24, so I didn't care that Keifer Sutherland was in this movie, but I am a pretty big fan of Alexandre Aja, whom I would name the ballsiest horror filmmaker in this day and age. He seems to take genuine joy dealing with really nasty emotions.

The plot of Mirrors is that there is something evil in mirrors and it kills you. One man tries to stop it, and you get a pretty typical twist, that really is brilliant when compared to every other horror movie ending in this day and age. This movie is flat out gory, and as they advertised it so strongly, it may not shock you to hear that the scene where Sarah Polly rips her own jaw off, is really discomforting and thus very successful. It's not too bad, and worth a watch. However, given the choice, I'd watch anything else Aja has made, such as The Hills Have Eyes remake or Haute Tension AKA High Tension.

Carriers (2009)

Chris Pine is cool. Piper Perabo is hot. EVERYONE is stupid. This is a movie about a plague that overcomes most of the human population. We follow a small group of people who we are supposed to believe were smart enough to survive when no one else did, and then they take off their breathing masks at the drop of a hat constantly. Any guesses what happens? It's a shame, because it really could have been played with a strange sense of beauty as it's almost a road trip movie, between two brothers trying to go where they were happy when they were kids, but that didn't really happen. Not a great movie, not even a good movie really, but watchable.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006)

There are a lot of documentaries worth watching on Netflix. This one really isn't needed unless my next statement is shocking in any way to you. Movies with sex in them are almost always treated more harshly than movies with violence. If this is a new idea, you need to see this now! If it's an observation you made when you were 12, like I did, just move on. I swear, it's mostly about a private detective talking about how she is a lesbian and can't be any other way. That's a great sentiment, but again, I know.

Cropsey (2009)

Now this is an example of a better documentary you could be watching. On one hand, you could say this is a movie about a strange series of child killings, which it is, or you could say it's about two young people trying really hard to make a successful documentary. I found both levels to be compelling. I don't know who the filmmakers were, but it felt like they were probably fresh out of film school and trying to make a name for themselves, however what's interesting to me was that they found themselves involved in something much bigger than the both of them. It's interesting also to see varying opinions presented that make sense so you are left with inconclusive feelings of whether a certain person is a child killer or not. That's scary stuff! Really interesting and very worthwhile.

I've watched a lot more than that recently and will write about them at some point, but I just wanted to drop a few of them on you for now, so let me know what you think of this, possibly reoccurring thing, and if you've seen some great stuff (like Dear Zachary) on Netflix, or even just pretty good stuff, please post it in the comments and I'll check it out!

The T-Shirt Crisis

This just in! I'm writing a fashion blog now!! After all, I'm something of a fashion icon in my own right. I'm known for wearing my comfy jeans and plain t-shirts. Ideally my t-shirts have nothing on them, as I don't feel I should be paying money to advertise for others. That said, I would gladly accept money to market your product on a t-shirt, given it is a decent product or if the money is good!

Recently, I went up to the better mall in my city in a time killing quest. My friend and I had just finished Conan The Barbarian and I had some time to kill before work. Suddenly it hit me that maybe I'd like a new shirt. However, if there is one thing that I've realized about this world, it is that if I like something, somebody has to screw it up for me.

WARNING: THE IMAGES POSTED BELOW MAY BE DISTURBING, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

EXIBIT A: UNDEAD STUFF

Oh good! I remember a time when zombies were something only the, so called, misfits and strange people talked about. As usual, like all things good, eventually, mainstream society discovered that zombies were really interesting and brought them in. Unfortunately, that is never where it ends though. Those damn hipsters have to change the beloved formerly nerdy things and in no time at all, you end up with overplayed fads, ruining what we had for so long, before them. They decided that they could make zombies something that would be able to be thrown in anywhere for comedy. These shirts are not funny. 

I probably should have taken the time to take the pictures of the other zombie shirts in this place too. Seriously, when you have a selection of 4-8 zombie joke shirts, you are seriously crossing some lines!

Also, those (classic literature) with zombies books, can seriously go pound sand!

EXIBIT B: BAD DUDEZ

Ah, now this I can get behind. Perhaps I'll buy one, wear it to the bars, act like I have a barely double digit rating on the IQ scale and instantly pick up an underage girl. I think that's called being a douche. These shirts would totally help me master that.

In fact, what the hell are these shirts anyway? They kinda look like ink blots if you think about it. For fun, next time you are out and some guy wearing one of these walks by, tell them you want to try to analyze their shirt. Relax your eyes for a minute, really look at the strange symbols, and then say. Nope, I still only see a douchebag. If you do this and you are a girl, then you should be fine, but if you are a guy, be careful. Chances are, if they are wearing a shirt like this, they still react like their neanderthal predecessor (whom they seem to admire so much), and you will be promptly clubbed.

What's the point of having TAPOUT written on your shirt anyway? Are you trying to walk around and tell the world I'm a super badass fighter, no one can beat me." Again, unless you are an MMA fighter with T-shirts that have your own name on them, you look like a twat. In fact, even under that pretense, you look like a twat.

The sad thing is that these are both from two different stores in the mall. The ONLY two stores that carry shirts for regular, non hipster, guys who can grow facial hair. Now I have no where to buy a decent t-shirt. This is a serious problem! Honestly, what would Marlon Brando say?

Well said, good sir! Well said indeed!

Tekken (2010)

Historically speaking, there haven't been many moments in my life that have been more fun than playing Tekken Tag Tournement for PS2, with my best friend Clayton. In fact, the only thing more fun than playing 'Tekken Tag', has proven to be making obscure references to the game. So when I heard they were making a movie of Tekken I knew it was something I had to see, despite probably screwed on the basis of video game movie history, but if they wanted to make it work there was just one simple key, simplicity.

The Tekken games are pretty basic and not terribly storyline driven, at least not so much that it's hard to keep up. Basically there is a big Corporation called the Mishima-Zaibatsu, and it's run by a CEO so badass that he opts to have a big tournament, called the King of the Iron Fists tournament, I believe, and whoever wins it, takes over Mishima-Zaibatsu. I don't know about you, but I call that badass. In fact, some day I'll have a tournament, called the Boss of Exploding Laser Dragonz tournament, and the winner gets this blog for themselves! Sweet! Anyway, back on track, it's just a tournament storyline, where each character has their own motivation for wanting to win. for a movie this can work great too! See Jean Claude Van Damme's awesome Bloodsport for a good example of a tournament movie handled right!

So…eugh… ok here's the movie's plot. The worlds governments have fallen, and large corporations have stepped up to take control of certain regions of the world. Forget about that though, because the other corporations are not really mentioned again. Anyway, the corporation known as Tekken, which of course is based in Tekken City, decides to start a tournament called Tekken, where the prize is… like a….um…. a free coffee at your nearest Tim Horton's. I dunno, it could be. We never really find out. Heihachi, the badass leader of the, um… Tekken corporation, talks about how important the tournament is a lot, and…uh… well his son Kazuya, who is NOTHING like Kazuya in the games, really wants to get high ratings. So basically, Tekken tournament is like a UFC thing or something.

The saddest thing is, that many of the characters look EXACTLY like their video game counterparts, which is unheard of. When I first saw previews, I kinda got excited. Check out these comparison photos of Jin and Bryan.

Isn't that nuts. They look almost exactly right, but Jin isn't anything like in the game. He's a rotten bastard. Very early on we see him walking around being extreme and stuff, and then he meets up with his girlfriend and making passionate whoopee, then minutes later he goes and gets into the tournament and is making out with and trying to sex up a different character later that night. What's really heart breaking about this is that it keeps cutting to his little girlfriend watching him on a big screen and cheering for him. So much for our honourable main character!

Worst of all for me they turned my favourite character Kazuya into just a plain old villain. What I love about the character is that he's a hardened badass, with no capacity for bullshit. Yes he is sorta villainous too, but you probably would be too, if your father threw your five year old ass into a volcano! They go with every stereotype possible to make him villainous. Big twist, Kazuya is Jin's father! In the games the impregnation happened at a time when he wasn't yet being controlled by a certain gene that fills him with rage. I picture that being an honest relationship that fell apart because of what he started to become. This idea is more tragic than the movie's decision to have him apparently rape Jin's mother and make a joke about it, with his stupid mirror universe goatee. You turned my favourite character into a rapist, seriously, fuck you!

So, I've laid out the bad, but is there any good? Sure. This movie is so stupid, it's wonderful. Think of movies like The Room and Birdemic. It's a great movie to get a bunch of friends together and talk over. I mean it's really really stupid, and terribly conceived. Mix the awful writing with the great fight scenes and you have a relatively worthwhile movie, as long as you are expecting the right things. Another thing that must be seen to be believed is the amazing amount of ass cleavage. If you see this movie you'll know what I'm talking about pretty quick. Wow. 

As a movie, it's a lark, but as a Tekken movie, it's about as accurate as the Super Mario Brothers movie…yikes! Watch…but watch with caution!

Conan The Barbarian (2011)

Everybody knows I love 1982's Conan the Barbarian, and if you claim you don't know that, then you haven't read my retrospective on why I love Conan the Barbarian (1982). Walking in, I understood that this movie wouldn't be like the one I grew up with, and somehow I was ok with that. I instead chose to judge this as a tale of a badass barbarian who goes on some sort of quest and kicks teeth down people's throats.

First off, let it be said that this Conan movie is in no way shape or form trying to be the old Conan movie. It is starting over from scratch, with a new Conan, played by young actor Jason Momoa, and a brand new tone that also, in it's own way, reflects the stories that it is based on. Usually, when I talk about a "reboot" that makes things younger and hipper, I react with rage from the depths of my gut, but this movie was a pleasant surprise.

The new Conan may not evolve as much, nor is his origin quite as tragic as the original, but he is true to the source in character, as in, he's a big, powerful barbarian with heart. There is a part earlier on in which Conan and his posse attack a bunch of slavers and free all of their slaves, who are almost entirely made up of being hot topless women. They ask, "where are we supposed to go now?" and Conan smiles and it cuts to him partying with a bunch of topless women. It's just weird to see Conan so happy. Fortunately the movie moves past that quickly and gets back on track. One interesting thing in this version of Conan was that he wasn't the strongest character in the movie, so much as the most persistent. This was a nice change, and I feel it shows that he would probably be a more believable king than Arnold's version. I also feel that it is important to mention that Jason Momoa's Conan voice is probably dark and growly enough to make Kevin Conroy shudder…in a good way.

One great thing this movie had going for it, was Ron Perlman playing Conan's father. Ron Perlman is awesome, and thus being the essential motivation for everything Conan does, it really helps me buy into the whole movie. 

Unsurprisingly, you'll find the plot especially negligible, however this is not a breaking point for the movie. The villains are bad, the hero is badass and anything else doesn't really matter in the whole scheme of things. 

The biggest flaw overall though, would have to be the editing in the respect that it cuts poorly between shots where people are standing and then leaning on things. In fact, one part later in the movie involving a chopped off hand and person kicked off of a high platform, sorta felt to me like the movie forgot what it was supposed to show next, only to remember. The sound didn't connect either at that part. Let's be honest, this movie isn't the pinacle of all things filmmaking.

My favourite thing this movie had going for it was that the sound was hilariously blasted. Not the music, just the impact noises. There is a part where a small egg falls into a puddle and I swear it sounds like a Greyhound bus crashing into an Army tank! Later, someone throws a sword at Conan and when he catches it, the only place I could imagine them getting the sound effect, was from a wrecking ball smashing a Helicopter out of the sky. The impact noises got to be so loud at times that I kept laughing out loud. It really does sound like a complaint, but it's not. I haven't laughed so hard at a movie in a long time! Intentional or not, it was bliss!

It's not the best movie, but it feeds my need for good fight scenes, which you rarely get these days. It's fun and perfect for a wind down and relax movie. If the thought of a barbarian smashing waves of people with his gigantic sword is appealing to you, then go for it! If you are gonna watch it, watch it in theatre, or at least make sure you have a crazy surround system if you are gonna watch it at home. This is not a movie to stand the test of time, like it's 29 year old counterpart, but it is a movie that is fun to watch.

The Pursuit of Happiness

This post has nothing to do with the Will Smith movie, but everything to do with the bright hopeful smile in the picture below.

You see, I'm currently on the quest for a new job, a new future and a new thang. So I don't have time for a good post today, aside from what you're seeing. However on the subject of a new thing, I want to show you a video to hopefully keep your mind occupied enough not to realize that I just posted to tell you I can't post. So watch it!

Supermarket Books - The Return

In the past I've been known to talk about a serious concern in the world today... The Supermarket book. Today I let my inner kindness get the best of me as I finally decided I have to read the last one I was given.

The book is Wicked Prey by John Sandford, and you will be thrilled to see on the cover that it's presented for the "FIRST TIME IN PAPER BACK".

If you are wondering why I am writing yet another post about this subject, it's because it's easy. Hell, this book is writing it for me. I haven't even started reading it yet but how could it be bad?

The St. Louis Dispatch calls it, "A...wham-bam tale" and Publishers Weekly exclaims that the book is "Amped up, Ultra-Violent... [and] slam-bang." Honestly, let's see Ian McEwan or Kazuo Ishiguro get a review like that!

Don't believe this book is gonna be great still? Well how about I tell you what else the author has written?

Oh wow, he wrote Phantom Prey and Invisible Prey! Those were great! Other classics include Broken Prey, Hidden Prey, Naked Prey, Mortal Prey, Chosen Prey, Easy Prey, Certain Prey, Secret Prey, Winter Prey, Shadow Prey and The Man Who Thought He Owned The World. Ok I made one of those up, can you guess which?

On the back cover it says John Sandford is a pseudonym for Pulitzer Prize winner John Camp. Weird, why does he use a pseudonym for the books he's putting out so quickly?

I'm sure you've already stopped reading this due to the impulse to order this on amazon immediately but for those of you still here, I present my review below.

Bliz-O-Vision says "This is one helluva snog-flog thriller!!"

The Welfare of a Nation.

There are many who live their comfortable lives with no grasp of the problems that are still actually out there. For example, I have lived my entire life living in a relatively small city that always seemed clean, quiet and safe. I had no idea that there were so many mentally unstable and homeless in the downtown area until recently. The system is set up in a way to keep them there. They aren't given any incentive to try to make changes for themselves and depressingly enough, a lot of them are using their monthly welfare cheques, paid for by our tax dollars to buy drugs. In that respect the government is funding addiction and homelessness with our tax dollars. Wouldn't that money be better spent on some sort of home care service to try and put these people back on track? I know this could be done as it's a similar idea to how our system helps the disabled. I would even go as far as to argue that many of these people are disabled people who fell through the cracks.

My real issue here is not with the people who can't help themselves, as they really need something in place to keep them on the straight and narrow, so much as the people who don't want to help themselves. I personally know a few people who are more or less living off the system as a free ride. They sleep in shelters for only a small portion of their welfare cheque and try to convince others to buy them drugs and other things when they are low on funds.

This is why I feel to clean up the streets we need some form of social care system to help those who want to be helped, as I know they exist, and let those who don't want to be helped sleep in the bed they've made. I can't justify giving 30% of my paycheck to a government who helps people buy drugs and Listerine. We are taxed hard here in Canada and we smile and brag about our badass healthcare system, but maybe it's time to reexamine how that money is being spent. I'm cool with being taxed if it's in the name of making this beautiful country a better place.

I need to clarify though, obviously we can't just leave those who don't want to be helped out in the cold, as much as I believe in a certain degree of tough love. I just feel, that if you want free money, maybe you should be showing that you actually want to do well with it.

This system does not and is never gonna work as long as the policy makers have their heads up in the clouds. Unfortunately, I'm just some naive lower mid-class person who doesn't like what he sees, and maybe I'm bitter because I haven't given up and won a prize as so many do.

I'm frustrated, and maybe it's time for something new. I bet I get some hate for this one, but I'm standing by it.

Dear Zachary (2008)

 The wife and I just watched the documentary Dear Zachary on Netflix. I have no interest in talking about the movie, as it is a ride you need to experience for yourself, however I just want to say it hit very close to home and is a truly important movie to see. I must present a warning for this movie, as it is VERY HEAVY to pretty much anyone, and genuinely makes you feel the very depths of hatred and anger. I'd say this is probably my favorite documentary I've seen, for how connected I feel towards the people involved, and as a documentary it succeeds at presenting the information clearly with a slight, yet much deserved bias.

Unfortunately I have to spend the rest of my night being frustrated with the world around me, but I'm glad that I was made aware of the issues discussed in this. I can think of no better movie to make to honor a friend, and hope this helps to change things, at least a little bit.

I'm using my serious face while writing this. Please track this movie down and watch it. I think you can even find it online to watch, but money spent on this movie is money well spent.

Y the last man

Where were you when every man in the world died? Well, if you're like me, probably dead. As for you ladies out there, you were left with a world that was missing 40% of it's population, where almost all of the worlds governments have passed on. With roughly three billion dead bodies laying all over the place, children and unborn babies included. That's a hell of a mess to clean up, now's your chance ladies!

Y the last man is the comic book/ graphic novel of a world where this happens, through the eyes of a man, possibly the last man no less. Every guy instantly thinks that would be the ultimate way to pick up girls but it's not that simple. Naturally there are those crazy super feminists who view the world as having been freed from the men's dictatorship, and they don't want him alive, and then there are the masses of women who want to make sexytime with this poor fellow at all costs. It's a rough life.

Written with astounding whit by Brian K Vaughan, this story tackles the world's gender related issues head on and sparingly takes shots at both the folly of man and woman. Let's face it, both sexes have their hangups and this book does a great job of dealing with them. The writing style itself is brilliantly natural and almost feels like you are just watching a great HBO series. It occasionally suffers from being a little overwritten, in the respect of how everyone is always talking about some form of gender related message whenever it shows a flashback to the pre-manpocolypse, but it's not a severe fault.

The art is brilliant and really makes it all flow. It's very real looking and the characters facial expressions really 'act' brilliantly. For me, a good test for art is to have a character say one thing but their face to show that they don't agree with it. It's never overdone and always wonderful.

I've always been a huge fan of those "really likable characters from different lifestyles come together and go on a quest" stories and this sorta fits the bill. This actually is very similar to Stephen King's The Stand for atmosphere, but different enough to make it a must read.

If you ever wanted to try the comic book medium on, try Y the last man. It is captivating from beginning to end and unpredictable in all the right ways. Also, thanks to it's smooth dialogue and compelling subject matter, I would call this the most accessible comic I've read to this day.

(As an afterthought though, I think all ugly women died too... cause I didn't see them anywhere.)

Career Advice

I have worked a lot of jobs in my 10+ years in the workforce. Some have been gratifying, some have been unnecessarily dramatic, some have introduced me to people who will hopefully be in my life forever, but all of those jobs functioned by one very simple principle; do your work, get paid for it. Unfortunately, that idea really isn't simple enough for some people.

My two most recent jobs are in the security industry. It's very easy to see the perks of security. For example, you get to work longer hours and strike up overtime quite often (I worked 147 hours in two weeks not long ago), you don't always have to work in one location, the work is rarely overly demanding and sometimes it allows you to catch up on reading and you can take time off when it is needed with little trouble. The money isn't very good, but the perks can be exactly what is right for your life.

The flaws however can be pretty unbelievable. A good example of that is that I have been fighting to get paid for a job I did last September!!! Last bloody September!!!! Ultimately I quit that company 2 weeks ago but am still actively fighting for my money and dealing with the mother of all run-arounds. So, that company could just be a lemon, seeing as it took over a month to get paid for the last job I did with them, right? WRONG! I've heard horror stories about a local security company from a good friend who worked for them too. Naturally after that I thought I'd try working for a big national company, and have been for a year now.

It went pretty well for quite a while and made the other company look like a bunch of clown shoes. Then they hired some ignorant idiot 26 year old (as opposed to me, a good natured, decent, 26 year old) to be scheduling manager. Oh boy, for a few months my pays seemed lower than they were supposed to be, but the hours are so sporadic and all over the place, and the pay stubs are so unreadable I couldn't tell that there were actual shortages. Finally, I decided I needed to keep track of my hours in a very detailed format and really buckle down with those pay stubs. Oh boy, am I glad I did. My first pay after I started keeping track was approximately 50 hours short. Seriously. That's 500 bucks that inbred sewer rat tried to pocket from me! So, angry about the lack of massive overtime cash in my account I contacted his superior, who assured me that next pay would have all of that money in my account. Guess what? It's payday, my account got a pretty standard pay, which in itself may have been short, and those 50 hours weren't added to it. Of course I could properly examine it and see what's off, but my legal right to have my pay stub before or at least by the time my pay is given is apparently being overlooked too.

I can't tell you how tired I am of fighting for pay. There are no victories and only constant losses. The only logical course is to move on to greener pastures, but my immediate supervisor is amazing and I don't want to leave that person short. However, I don't know that I can continue to fight this war on two fronts. Perhaps it's labour board time, but if that's what it has to be, I don't want to be attached with the company that I'm battling for obvious reasons.

So this post is called career advice, and I'll put the advice very clear to be seen.

1. If you do shift work, keep track of everything.
2. Don't work security!

Oh well, it's not a total wash. Whenever someone asks me what I do, I can reply with, "I'm into charity work." Chicks love it.

'Movie Buff' or how I learned to just say I like movies

There are a lot of simple things in this world that drive me up the freaking wall. I don't like skinny jeans, can't understand country music and genuinely hate reality tv. Today however, I feel it is necessary to explain why the term 'film buff/movie buff' always makes you sound like a pompous asshat!

First off, allow me to look up a semi official meaning to the term from the urban dictionary.

"when someone is addicted to movies and actively goes to the cinema on a regular basis."

Meaning, my local homeless tend to be Listerine buffs. That is not how I interpret the word buff. Buff implies some form of knowledge, and at very least is said in a way that implies you think you are an expert.

If these average movie watchers are movie buffs, then I'm the equivalent to movie-Jahovah! However I'm not. I'm just a guy who watches a lot of movies. See what I did there? I told you what I am, accurately and honestly.

Calling yourself a movie buff is like telling people that you are brilliant. The second you do it people will test your claim, and probably disprove it in their minds within 3 minutes. Let me take away an illusion right now. You don't know nearly as much about movies as you think. To say you are an expert on movies is like saying you are an expert on beer after trying every kind at your local liquer store. You probably don't know how it's made, nor do you know enough about beer to even grasp how many other beers are out there in the world (though I sure am craving a Sapporo about now).

In closing, I feel, a real expert should know the bad as well as the good, so if you want to call yourself a movie buff go watch every Tyler Perry movie, then we'll talk.

Miss March (2009)

There is a very fine line to be drawn between an obnoxious movie and a funny movie. Miss March opted to make life easy for my inner critic. The filmmakers seem to have decided to extract all signs of comedy in exchange for more obnoxious, and if that was their goal, this movie is a thunderous success!

The Whitest Kids You Know is an online comedy group known for quite a few pretty decent YouTube sketches. When a good and edgy team of honest to goodness sketch comedians get their own feature film, I'm usually pretty far up in line to support it. Unfortunately, they are almost always terrible, with the exception of Mega64 and Derrick Comedy.

Miss March is an example of a bunch of young people getting their big shot and being scared no one will find it funny, so they jam so many "jokes" that they take away all humanity and in my opinion there is nothing that makes a buddy road trip better than humanity. For an example of this kind of movie done right, watch 'Fanboys'. In this we have the most over the top annoying and the most frustratingly boring main characters I may have ever seen.


Even the plot is sorta charming in a way. Well, at least some of it. Imagine two good friends on a road trip to the Playboy mansion. Honestly, I can believe that so easily and I imagine that was where they started their script, sadly they never give us one moment of realism to grasp on to.

I really love the idea of these guys making something great, and I do believe they have potential in the long run. I just suggest that in future projects, they don't spend so much time worrying about having UNRATED, splashed across the DVD case.

Avoid this movie.

Odd-job Jon.

In this day and age we have to work an awful lot to make a living, but I figured it may be fun to discuss a few jobs I've had that are a little too stupid or strange for words. I'm hoping that if you have any funny or just weird job experiences you could share them in the comments section.

As I'm typing this I'm actually doing one of my odd jobs. At the moment I'm a confined spaces attendant. Basically what that means is that I watch a hole in the ground for 10 hours and sign people in and out of it, while lowering an air quality tester into it every hour. Confused? Let me explain it better. I sit in my car for 10 hours and play with my iPhone. Honestly, this one isn't that weird compared to others, but that's my Monday to Thursday life at the moment.

The best of my not so normal jobs was at a particular site. I was told by the employer that I could have people visit on site, sleep or do whatever I wanted really, so often times it consisted of playing PSP and ordering pizza. While I never did sleep, it was always a great job for being well rested!

A past job experience that is somewhat noteworthy is working in any call center. This is something I highly don't recommend, unless you really hate yourself, then it's the perfect job! The most interesting thing however that I was ever able to do was talk down to a certain Backstreet Boy's little brother. I won't say the company I was working for, but I will say that by the end of the call, this poor bugger was almost begging for my approval. I wasn't exactly rude per sey, but I stand by the ideal that if you are gonna throw around your star power, you probably should make sure you have some star power.

Honestly, for all of the many jobs I've had there was one that stood out above the rest. I did some work for a construction company as a basic sweeper. How do you mess that up? Well, one of the guys who sorta was a supervisor to me, must have been an Aaron Carter fan, cause I'm pretty sure he lived his days to make me miserable. When sweeping sawdust off of floors becomes sweeping puddles around on the roof WHILE IT'S BLOODY WELL RAINING, it may be time to quit your job. I mean it, I was supposed to just move them around basically. In hindsight, I should have just said no, but, then again, I wouldn't have this story to tell. In the end when I finally did quit, I'd love to say I went out in a blaze of glory, but I didn't. I did however stand up to that jerk and storm off, awesomely being offered a better job where I wouldn't have to work near him. I can live with that.

The moral of this of course, is when things don't go your way, flip out, and get offered a better job! If that isn't a life lesson I don't know what is. Also, in my case I find that having a friend in close proximity with a boom box, set to play a badass theme song really helps. For me, Blizzards, Buzzards and Bastards by scissorfight works great!

Anyway, that's my pointless post of the day! Post your terrible job experiences below, and tell me how you quit them, or how you plan to quit them! Life is too short for bullshit!

I'm doing what!?

Well friends, I've been getting a surprisingly great amount of views lately, and I really feel the need to thank you all for checking in on my little experiment. I've found myself having a few crazy things happening in my life and I can't help but share them with you!

First off, I finally got a new Macbook Pro and I ordered a new shotgun mic today to help with my videos. I also am working with Adobe Premiere again, after all of these years, so I now have no excuse to not be making movies. Also I'm at this moment downloading the new Lion OS. Hopefully it's great and not a waste of 30 bucks. Perhaps I'll write an OS review.

Secondly, I'm doing a wedding tonight. Seriously, I am gonna be the officiator at a wedding this evening. I get to say such standbys as "You may now kiss the bride" and "I now present to you Mr. and Mrs. X". It's a pretty exciting day for me. How did this opportunity arise? I'm still not sure, but it's already being called the most badass wedding ever by Times magazine!

Seriously, can you imagine getting married by this guy?

Well, it does sorta make sense when you think about it. Who better than a love doctor? Anyway, I can't help but notice your eyes are rolling dangerously fast so I think I'll have to be off. 

Again, thanks for reading this!

My 10 Favorite Superheroes - Part 2

The heroes listed so far on the previous list mean a lot to me. I enjoy reading them, and I enjoy seeing most of them in other forms of media. I suppose that's a part of the reason why I've never been able to accept the popularity of Harry Potter. It's always gonna seem lame to me, when compared with a giant man wearing a black cape and breaking peoples bones in the street. My childhood just seems that much better than the new childhood things. Anyway, this isn't a time to smite that pathetic wizard, this is the time to talk about my TOP 5 FAVORITE superheroes. This list has been a nightmare to make as I've had to short out several really great characters. Please accept my apologies The Darkness, Captain America, The Flash and Robocop. Now let's finish this madness.

5. The Sandman (Wesley Dodds)

I said I wouldn't put Morpheus from Neil Gaiman's Sandman series on my list, and that is no lie, however tying Dream of the Endless into the Golden Age Sandman's story was definitely inspired. The Sandman is a superhero based in the 1930s. It all started when he had a strange dream encounter with an entity calling himself Dream (That's Morpheus from Sandman if you don't know). Afterwards, he gains the ability of premonition in his dreams and witnesses disturbing crimes. Naturally the sleep theme was working for him so he built a sleep gas shooting gun and wore a WWI gas mask to keep it from affecting him, and went out there fighting crime.

What I find really makes him stand out is that his stories aren't just about running out and beating up the bad guys. While Batman claims to be about being a detective, this really is about a detective. Most of the time he is using his gifts to find evidence on the twisted criminals and murderers. The only thing keeping him from just getting his ass kicked are hilariously plain and clever tricks. He actually tied two empty cans together and left them in a dark area near where he was sneaking a look at some documents. The result was him being gone by the time the night security actually got to where he was.

While he was originally a hero from old 30s comics he more recently received a newer DC Vertigo series still based in the 30s, called Sandman Mystery Theatre, and this is where I'm getting my info from. It's a great series, and thanks to it's practicality and realism, I love this for succeeding where Kick Ass failed. 

4. Nightwing (Dick Grayson)

Remember that dorky kid that ran around with Batman in the green speedo back in the day. He was a lame attempt by creators to make Batman more kid friendly, except somehow it worked. He became beloved as Batman's faithful sidekick. The original Robin. He was able to assist the Caped Crusader in defeating The Joker's boner.

However after many years in the overpowering shadow of the bat something changed in Dick. He slowly started to disagree with his surrogate father and eventually decided the time was right to move out. He passed on the mantle of Robin and became Nightwing, named after a legend from Krypton, told to him by another fatherly figure Superman.

Dick went on in the many years that followed to be one of the most, if not the most, loved character in all of the DC Universe. Every hero cared deeply for him as they had known him as he was just a child, and the younger heroes and sidekicks all looked up to him. Eventually him and Bruce Wayne even made peace and came to a point of trust and respect that when the time came that Batman eventually did die, it was made clear that Nightwing was to be his successor to fight the war. The best part of this however was that Batman didn't want Dick to dress up as Batman, but to remain Nightwing, out of respect for his son finding his own path and in some ways being even better than he was. Dick however having the respect he did for Batman insisted that the world needed a Batman and adopted a bat attitude.

It's the evolution that took place with Dick that really makes him special. He doesn't brood like Batman, in fact in some ways he's more like Spiderman, with the wise cracks, however there is no mistaking it, he is arguably as good as The Batman himself but with social skills.

3. Cyclops (Scott Summers)
Let's face it. There are only a handful of writers who can write Cyclops right. Most opt to take the easy and lazy route and just use him as a lame pretty boy that Wolverine can look cool next to. I would dare say all of the X-Men movies are an example of this. It's unfortunate that so many overlook how truly sad his story really is. Cyclops was never allowed to be anything else.  When Professor Xavier picked him up and made him the field leader of the X-Men, I'm sure he didn't realize that it would be something he'd be doing for decades.

As with Beast I saw the best of Cyclops while reading Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men, where we see Cyclops as the leader he is. However we also get the quieter moments where he talks to Beast, the only other founding member still on the team. These are the moments when we stop seeing Cyclops and start seeing Scott come out. It's also an interesting dynamic to see that Scott and Beast are best friends, although it sorta makes sense when you think about it. Emma Frost at one point tries to help Cyclops out using her telepathy and actually uncovers that his optic blasts are not firing nonstop because he hit his head as a child, but rather that he is firing them nonstop as a constant reminder to always control himself. To never let anyone down. This is a layered character with real problems.

Cyclops is most known by the average person for his optic blasts that come from his eyes, but what I find interesting is that whenever he does something noteworthy or interesting, it never has anything to do with his powers. This is best shown in Astonishing X-Men, where Cyclops loses his powers, takes up a pistol and leads the team on a severely dangerous mission, ultimately leading to some really badass moments. He's a true leader and where the story lines have taken him recently, I find it interesting to see that after Magneto and Professor X have gotten tired of fighting one another, the responsibility for all of mutant kind falls on the shoulders of Cyclops.

2. The Goddamn Batman (Bruce Wayne)
Oh boy, it's hard to compete with this guy. Let's face it, he is the best. He's one of the most recognizable and one of the most interesting characters ever. He's constantly aggravated, always in a bad mood, and almost never in the mood to joke around. In fact, from what I've seen, joking around Batman tends to get you put into a wheelchair for a few months. Despite how much he sounds like a dislikable guy, he is genuinely the number one person you want at your side.

My friend over at Canons for Crickets really said it all in his little write up, but I want to talk about Batman too. What I always found coolest about Batman is that he really takes responsibility for everything. What started out as a personal crusade eventually became a fight to protect everyone, and ultimately this sense of duty and self sacrifice makes Batman the best of us. He is the one man who walks among the gods. He is the mortal who can tell Superman and Wonder Woman that they are naive and have it taken seriously.

Like any good character, what makes him great is not how powerful he is, but how vulnerable he is. Unlike characters like Wolverine, Batman's arm doesn't just grow back. He has to make it all count, knowing full well that all it takes is one bad moment to end it all. Batman is the best superhero of them all, because he knows loss better than anyone, and is brave enough never to give up.

...but he isn't my favorite.

1. Iron Man (Tony Stark)
If you say you want to be Batman, you really haven't thought it through. A much more acceptable option would be to be Iron Man. You'll have roughly the same amount of money, and 2000% more women! Iron Man is plain and simply more fun than any other character I've been reading for a while. His superpower is not that he has a badass power suit, so much as he can quite literally charm the pants off of anyone. At least that's what Tony Stark wants you to think.

See, what caught me off guard was how well written his books are. Maybe it's just been a fluke, but since 2005 I've yet to encounter one issue of Iron Man that was less than excellent. Let's face it, the writing talent's have been great as have the artists. I talk enough about Warren Ellis on here already, so I'll skip talking about Iron Man: Extremis and how you really should read it(!!!), to instead talk to you about Matt Fraction the current writer of The Invincible Ironman. What I find to be an interesting trend in Iron Man comics is that it's about Tony Stark, and maybe once an issue, if you're lucky you get to see the suit get used. I just read a whole story arch called Stark Disassembled, where for 5 issues, he never once put the suit on. This could seem less than appealing if it didn't work so darn well. Let's face it Tony Stark is an interesting guy. He is brilliant and has a snarky answer for everything.

When you think of Iron Man you think of Tony Stark having tons of fun and not worrying about anything, but as far back as the classic Demon in the Bottle storyline, we've been seeing Tony stressing to himself about certain guilty feelings he has for being rich off of weapons. Ultimately in that storyline, Tony went on to become a really bad alcoholic and had to find help. This is a flawed hero in the most believable way. It's very easy to connect with the idea of pretending to be invincible, but just being a mortal in a suit.

Though he isn't as iconic as Batman (hell who is), Iron Man is my favorite and every lady's favorite. No woman can resist a billionaire with a bad heart.

So there you have it. Yes, I know Spiderman and Wolverine weren't on my lists. I guess I just don't feel much of a connection to Spiderman anymore, however maybe you could suggest a worthwhile storyline for me to read. I gave the best top ten I could with what I knew at this moment. Please tell me who you're top ten favorite are in the comments below. In fact, if you have a blog of your own, write one of these up and post in my comments! I want to read these!

Superheroes are an amazing thing. Though, personally, I can't say that given the choice, I'd be a superhero. I've always been a villain guy. What do you say Canons for Crickets? Villains next week?

My 10 Favorite Superheroes - Part 1

Alas, the time has come. My friend Gary over at Canons for Crickets dared ask the question that only the mightiest dare ask. What are my top ten favorite superheroes? After breaking his nose in three places, I thought about it for quite a long time and have decided on the following list.

Also, a disclaimer is needed. What do I define as a superhero? Well, it's a hero who does things outside the realm of our everyday lives. Superpowers aren't needed and you will probably see a bat related gentleman somewhere on this list. Also, these are from comic books and as such I'm only taking the classic hero types as opposed to Spider Jerusalem, Morpheus and Jesse Custer. So let's begin.

10. Daredevil


While I may not know the character as well as some others on this list, I was fortunate enough to jump in during Bendis' run and it left an impression. Knowing the basics Daredevil is very cool. His powers are the ability to sense the world around him, which is helpful because he's blind. He's not super string but he is agile and always aware of his surroundings and his stories tend to be very gritty and easy to get into. It's cool to see a costumed hero deal with lowlife street thugs.

9. Wonder Woman


I really hate that so many think she is a cheesy character. It is unfortunate because she is, in my eyes, perhaps the most badass of all of DCs big 3. She dares make the decisions that Superman and Batman won't make. I recall watching her snap a guy's neck because it was the only way to resolve the situation. Batman and Superman had the nerve to resent her for what she did and in some ways she did too, but if you are in a situation where things are really bad, Wonder Woman is the one who makes the hard decisions.

8. Superman


Yeah, I know, I just said I was with Wonder Woman over Superman. You see the thing is, while girls should strive to be strong women like Wonder Woman, I was never a girl. Superman is a lame boyscout. Everyone makes fun of him for it, but I learned to appreciate him through Batman. Superman and Batman have a lot of the same rules and ideals but they use different methods. Superman is the paragon of all that is good and Batman, as far as people know is a lunatic in a cape. Batman needs to hurt people badly to build his reputation, and Superman does not. The point of all of this comparison is that Batman and Superman don't agree on much but they respect and trust each other enough to not question one another's methods. They are THE SUPER-FRIENDS, and though it's silly to say so they are the two BEST SUPERHEROES (just not my favorite).

7. Hellboy


Hellboy is so easy to love. I've hardly read any of it yet, but he is such a likable character. He is a demon from Hell meant to destroy us all, except he was raised by a good father with good values. It's that simple, he deals with amazingly imaginative things but somehow there is usually a very natural sense of humor to it all. Here is a great example

6. Beast (X-Men)


This may surprise people who know me. He's a big blue furry genius. That's the point. He's agile and strong but his mind is most important to him. I feel he is so easily relatable because he is such a brilliant and kind hearted character who hates nothing more than the way he looks. For great examples of Beast written right read Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men.

Ok that is part 1 down. Tune in next time for my top 5!