The T-Shirt Crisis

This just in! I'm writing a fashion blog now!! After all, I'm something of a fashion icon in my own right. I'm known for wearing my comfy jeans and plain t-shirts. Ideally my t-shirts have nothing on them, as I don't feel I should be paying money to advertise for others. That said, I would gladly accept money to market your product on a t-shirt, given it is a decent product or if the money is good!

Recently, I went up to the better mall in my city in a time killing quest. My friend and I had just finished Conan The Barbarian and I had some time to kill before work. Suddenly it hit me that maybe I'd like a new shirt. However, if there is one thing that I've realized about this world, it is that if I like something, somebody has to screw it up for me.

WARNING: THE IMAGES POSTED BELOW MAY BE DISTURBING, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

EXIBIT A: UNDEAD STUFF

Oh good! I remember a time when zombies were something only the, so called, misfits and strange people talked about. As usual, like all things good, eventually, mainstream society discovered that zombies were really interesting and brought them in. Unfortunately, that is never where it ends though. Those damn hipsters have to change the beloved formerly nerdy things and in no time at all, you end up with overplayed fads, ruining what we had for so long, before them. They decided that they could make zombies something that would be able to be thrown in anywhere for comedy. These shirts are not funny. 

I probably should have taken the time to take the pictures of the other zombie shirts in this place too. Seriously, when you have a selection of 4-8 zombie joke shirts, you are seriously crossing some lines!

Also, those (classic literature) with zombies books, can seriously go pound sand!

EXIBIT B: BAD DUDEZ

Ah, now this I can get behind. Perhaps I'll buy one, wear it to the bars, act like I have a barely double digit rating on the IQ scale and instantly pick up an underage girl. I think that's called being a douche. These shirts would totally help me master that.

In fact, what the hell are these shirts anyway? They kinda look like ink blots if you think about it. For fun, next time you are out and some guy wearing one of these walks by, tell them you want to try to analyze their shirt. Relax your eyes for a minute, really look at the strange symbols, and then say. Nope, I still only see a douchebag. If you do this and you are a girl, then you should be fine, but if you are a guy, be careful. Chances are, if they are wearing a shirt like this, they still react like their neanderthal predecessor (whom they seem to admire so much), and you will be promptly clubbed.

What's the point of having TAPOUT written on your shirt anyway? Are you trying to walk around and tell the world I'm a super badass fighter, no one can beat me." Again, unless you are an MMA fighter with T-shirts that have your own name on them, you look like a twat. In fact, even under that pretense, you look like a twat.

The sad thing is that these are both from two different stores in the mall. The ONLY two stores that carry shirts for regular, non hipster, guys who can grow facial hair. Now I have no where to buy a decent t-shirt. This is a serious problem! Honestly, what would Marlon Brando say?

Well said, good sir! Well said indeed!